Audio: Another Day

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[Sounds of passing cars and bird song]

David: The one thing I always find, the one thing I always find about girls is that, I often find them to be… well, to be a bit pushy and that, quite frankly, tends to put me off them. Don’t get me wrong, some girls can be very pleasant but some girls tend to make demands of you that, quite often, you can’t live up to like push you down the aisle as soon as look at you. I dated this girl once and together we… What I mean was that things were not right between us. But another thing is that I’m a constant worrier… and to my mother I am, and will continue to be, a constant worry. I worry about everything from the nature of the universe, to why there is so much human stupidity in the world, to why my mother insists on being so tidy and why she worries about my untidiness… and that might be her right now!

[Telephone rings twice]

David’s Mum: David! You promised you’d be with me at half one.

[Sound of telephone receiver being picked up]

David’s Mum: That was half an hour ago. It is now two.

David: I’m sorry; it’s just that I had a fair bit of tidying up to do… and haven’t finished it all.

David’s Mum: Oh, I see. The trouble with you is that you have too much stuff and there are some things that you really must throw out.

David: Believe me, I will get round to it soon as.

David’s Mum: The cows come home! You always say that and seldom it ever happens. If you had been more like your late father then-

David: -Okay, okay! I’ll be round there… in five minutes.

David: Three minutes later I was at the bus stop outside this cash and carry in the hopes that I might catch the ninety-seven into town. I bumped into an old friend, Steven Keys, and, well…

[Sound of cars passing]

Steven: Hi Dave. What you doing here?

Man: Hoping to catch that ninety-seven into town. I’m on my way to see mum and hope to do a spot of shopping.

Steven: Me too. By the way, how’s things between you and that girl at work? Ann, er, Ann, er-

Dave: -Ann Brake? Oh, just good friends, you know. I always feel uncomfortable talking about Ann but luckily he doesn’t realise that, for the last three, no, make that four months, she’s been, well… I never said she was my type. Come to think of it I don’t rightly know what sort of girl is my type.

Steven: Well, that’s not what I heard.

[Sound of bus stopping]

Dave: And what exactly did you hear?

Steven: Well, I’m not one to gossip, but-

Dave: -I’m sorry; I have to go.

Steven: I’ll tell you next time we meet. Okay?

Dave: Sure. Bye.

[Bus pulls away]

Dave’s Mum (on intercom): David? Is that you?

Dave: Yes, mum. Can I come up?

Dave’s Mum (on intercom): I’m afraid you caught me in the middle of the washing up.

Dave: I’ll come up in the lift.

Dave: I called a lift to take me to the second floor and I knew what to expect when I arrived at Flat Six.

[Sound of bird song]

Dave’s Mum: Hello dear.

Dave: Hi Mum.

Dave’s Mum: Anything interesting you have to tell me?

Dave: Well, I did bump into Steven Keys at the bus stop.

Dave’s Mum: The stop outside the cash and carry?

Dave: That’s right, and, and-

Dave’s Mum: -And?

Dave: And…

Dave’s Mum: And?

Dave: And he asked me about… her.

Dave’s Mum: Ann? Ann from work?

Dave: Well, he thinks that Ann and I are, well, an item.

Dave’s Mum: And are you?

Dave: No! But everyone else thinks that… and what with that and the other pressures at work at Book World.

Dave’s Mum: I know. By the way, do you know I spent all yesterday tidying your room?

Dave: Thanks. You haven’t ruined my work file, have you?

Dave’s Mum: Why do you ask, dear?

Dave: Because I need it tomorrow, that’s why. Now where did I put it?

Dave’s Mum: You’d forget your head if it wasn’t screwed on.

Dave: See what I mean? It’s just as I said earlier: My untidiness. There are things far more important than tidiness. Take money, for instance. On Monday morning at Book World my manger, Phil, had some good and bad news. I also came into contact with Ann.

Ann: Hi David. When can we meet for a drink, so we can, well, you know.

[Sound of people browsing through books]

Dave: Oh, hi. I, I, I… was just going to… just going to… Have you read the new Dick Francis?

Ann: David! Stop trying to change the subject!

[Sound of door opening]

Phil: David, would you step into my office for a moment?

Dave: I know what that means and I’m not sure it’s gonna smell too good.

Phil: Come in. Sit down. Close the door.

[Sound of door closing]

Dave: Thanks Phil. Phil, if you don’t mind me asking, what’s all this about?

Phil: You remember Richard Goddard?

Dave: The guy with the physics PhD? He worked here for a few months last year. Things started off well enough between us but then things went a bit… you know.

Phil: And the last straw was that email. I know some people can’t handle praise, or for that matter, criticism, but-

Dave: -He almost throttled me and all because I called him a genius… and it became a bit of an… obsession.

Phil: You antagonised him.

Dave: I saw him on the bus the other day and he totally ignored me but… Why are you bringing this up now?

Phil: Well, it just so happens that we have a new member of staff joining us tomorrow and I don’t want you rubbing them up-

Dave: -the wrong way. I can see you’re worried.

Phil: That’s not the only thing. I heard that you and Ann are an item.

Dave: Ann and I are not, I repeat, NOT an item!

Phil: According to her you two are stitched at the hip.

Dave: But Phil, I wish you wouldn’t because she’s not my type. But then again, I don’t know what sort of girl is my type.

Phil: Then why does she look at you like she wants you for lunch?

Dave: I don’t know! I just don’t know! She… she…

Phil: Calm down.

Dave: Phil.

Phil: David.

Dave: Phil.

Phil: David!

Dave: She is obsessed with me, Phil, but I can’t see why.

Phil: David Marks, sometimes you can be impossible.

[Sound of door knocking]

Phil: Come in.

[Sound of door opening]

Phil: Ann. There you are.

Dave: To Phil, she’s the nicest girl in the world. To me she’s just a distraction.

[Sound of customers in a bookshop]

Ann: David. There’s a couple of boxes of the new Oxford Dictionary that need unpacking in the storeroom.

David: There’s nothing like unpacking dictionaries to get a girl alone with her… obsession. Be right with you.

Dave: When Ann and I got to the storeroom to start on those dictionaries, I started getting nervous because, knowing what Ann felt about me…

[Sound of unpacking]

Ann: David?

Dave: Yes?

Ann: I was thinking?

Dave: What about?

Ann: Us, David. Us.

Dave: See what I mean? Pushy! Cripes! How do I tell her that I’m not her type? What about us?

Ann: When will we… you know.

Dave: Ann, I’ve been meaning to tell you…

Ann: Oh, David, you’re a sweetie.

Dave: Have you ever met my mother?

Ann: Er, no. Why did you ask me?

Dave: Would you like to?

Ann: I’d love to?

Dave: Her head says so but her heart says no. It’s rather like asking somebody if they like sticking pins into the skin on the back of their right hand. Anyway, on the ground floor of Book World the following day we met, I mean, were formerly introduced to the new assistant manager and I was in for a pleasant surprise. Or not.

[Many indiscriminate voices chatting]

Phil: Can I have some quiet please?

[The chatting slowly quiets down]

Phil: Now, as you may be aware, we haven’t had a bad year but due to one thing and another, profits have been down this year and next year could be make or break for us. So to that end, I have appointed a new assistant manager. So, everyone, this is Heather.

Dave: Not Heather? Heather Carter?

Heather: David Marks? Is that you?

Dave: Why, er, yes.

Phil: Good. Then you’ll get on well.

Heather: If he’s still the David Marks I knew back then, then I doubt it.

Dave: I know, I know. It was my indecision that made us part in the first place.

Heather: You always worry too much.

Phil: Okay. Back to work everyone.

Dave: But Heather, those days are all behind me now.

Heather: Prove it to me. As I recall, whenever you got into a jam you always expected me to come and bail you out.

Dave: But we did have some good times. Didn’t we?

Heather: That’s when you introduced me to Ian.

Dave: What attracted you to him in the first place?

Heather: Well, the fact that he’s all the things you’re not and the fact that he doesn’t keep you waiting while he makes up his mind.

Dave: And then again-

Heather: At the time you lost to the better man.

Dave: I know, I know. Don’t rub it in… when I think I can… prove myself.

Heather: Good. Would you get me a coffee?

Dave: Certainly. Welcome to the team.

Heather: Heather, David, could I have a word with you both in my office? I have a little job for you.

Dave: What’s that?

Phil: Something I think you can both handle. Could be the making of you, David.

Dave: Phil then told me that Book World was holding a major children’s spring book launch.

Heather: David, could you pass me those shelf markers?

Dave: Oh, here.

[Sound of balloons being inflated]

Heather: Thanks… and have you blown up all those balloons yet?

[Sound of gaffer tape being pulled from the roll]

Dave: Yes, I think so.

Heather: Have you hired the rabbit costume?

Dave: Yes, I picked it up yesterday from the hire firm.

Heather: Good… and hired the actors and the magician?

[Sound of balloon popping]

Dave: Erm, I managed to hire the magician but I’m afraid one of the actors can’t-

Heather: -Never mind. I think you’ll make a suitable replacement.

Dave: Replacement?

Heather: Well, you’re just the right size, aren’t you?

Dave: Oh, I see. (sighs) The things I do. Still, it might be fun, if not a bit hot and stuffy. Anyway, later that day:

Heather: How do you think it’s going?

Dave (muffled): I think things are going rather well.

Heather: Did you say things are going well?

Dave (muffled): Yes.

Heather: Was that a yes?

Dave (muffled): Yes!

Heather: Oh, good. You know with that head on I can’t quite make out what you’re saying. Do you mind taking it off for a minute?

Dave (muffled): I can’t get this head off.

Heather: Can’t get this what off?

Dave (muffled): I can’t get this head off. It’s stuck.

Heather: What did you say?

Dave (muffled): The head of this costume. It’s stuck. I can’t get it off.

Heather: Oh, let me try!

[Heather attempts to pull the head off]

Heather: It just won’t budge.

Dave (muffled): Well, this has done a lot of good. I’m supposed to meet my mum… and I can’t go dressed like this.

Heather: Don’t panic! Don’t panic! We’ll try again later when the last customers have left.

Dave: Well, the book launch was a big success and Phil our boss was as pleased as punch. Oh and if you were wondering, I did manage to get out of that rabbit costume… well, eventually… and later I met mum at our favourite Chinese restaurant.

[Sound of diners in a restaurant]

Dave’s Mum: How did it go at work today, dear?

Dave: Oh, fine but it was a bit hot in that rabbit suit.

Dave’s Mum: Rabbit suit?

Dave: There was a children’s book launch at Book World today.

Dave’s Mum: Oh, I see… and how did the book launch go?

Dave: Well, Phil says that I could become Heather’s number two full-time and if business picks up, I could become assistant manger.

Dave’s Mum: That’s nice, dear.

[Telephone rings]

Dave: Hello?

Ann: David, hi, it’s me. I’ve thought it over and I really do want to meet your mother.

Dave: I somehow knew that it was too good to last and that somewhere round the corner, disaster was ready and waiting to take me for a tumble. If I have learned one thing, it’s this: If someone tells you nothing can go wrong, then you know that something is definitely about to go wrong but you don’t know quite when. You know it’ll be soon… and there’s only one thing to do: Brace yourself.

Another Day by David Munns


David Marks - Daniel Berryman
Janet Marks - Antony Howell
Steve Keys - David Munns
Ann Brake – Lucy Meir
Phil Langer – David Munns
Heather – Lucy Meir











About this audio

A radio play written by David Munns.

Another Day featured in I'm an Artist, let me in!, performed at the Roundhouse Studio Theatre on 25th May 2010. I'm an Artist, let me in! showcased the work of five Artists with learning disabilities.

Click here to download the script of Another Day (copyright David Munns 2010).

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